To My Onur

Name: Onur

Nicknames: Baby, pookie, babeuh, etc.

Age: 26 but also 6 and 15 

Hobbies: Gaming, eating, sleeping, etc.

Last Known Location: Toilet

Spouse: Millenia

Children: Katori

What initially drew you to him, and how have those initial impressions evolved over time?

What drew me to him was his personality overall. I’d discover new things about him that I love everyday. One day it would be his humor and how he teased me from the start about little things like how long I sleep in for, how I don’t laugh as much, that I’m “extra” because of how I use reaction photos to react to his selfies, how I’m a cow for eating only salads, etc. Another day it would be his vulnerability; it wasn’t something I was aware he had in him at the time of just getting to know him and when it showed, I could only really appreciate how open he was with me about his personal life. Then there’s his care for others around him, including me. He always had this “let me think of how I could do this so that the other person is happy with it” sort of mentality. I loved that about him. Despite going through so much himself, he managed to develop a heart that was filled with consideration. He’s a very bold person; some might mistake it for rudeness, but I would like to think he’s just very honest. He sticks to his morals and stays true to who he is. I don’t think I’ve ever considered him to be two-faced. He’s always been genuine. Overtime, all of those things I loved about him heightened and I’d get a little more of him to appreciate. I also came to learn he had quite a lot more to offer.

Can you share a moment or experience with him that significantly strengthened your bond?

There have been a few but I believe collectively, our fights have. We have had some serious downs but through it all, we definitely were able to create an even stronger foundation. We’ve gone through hell and back together but never lost sight of our love for one another. We needed to realize it was us against the problem and not us against each other. After 2 years together, we are definitely understanding that.

In what ways does he challenge you to grow as a person?

Quite a lot. Onur is so alike yet has minor differences from me. I’m definitely the insecure and isolated one compared to him. He has challenged me a lot in this aspect because his mindset is very different. He has that “I don’t really care what others think about me” aura that I have never been able to achieve. He has helped to push me out of my comfort zone in realizing that other people’s opinions just really don’t matter. I admire him for that. It’s something I am still working on to this day but having him around to share his own beliefs helps so much. It’s like having a little life coach with me along the way. A life coach who also happens to be my boyfriend. I’d recommend my own boyfriend to any stranger who happened to need advice for anything. Somehow, Onur just knows exactly what to say.

What’s one thing about him that you think most people don’t see but is important to you?

That he hurts. Like any other human being, he hurts. He definitely doesn’t show it like other people might and that could conceal what he goes through when things get tough. Whenever I see him hurt, I think of his inner child and that hurts even more. Oftentimes, he will say he’s fine but he’s not and he puts up a strong face to avoid having to spill any details. I just think it’s important that people know despite his strong and bold personality, he has feelings and things that can affect him just like any other person. Regardless, he is one of the strongest people that I know.

How does he support you during difficult times, and how do you navigate challenges together?

Oh, he supports me more than any human being ever has on this earth. I’ve had so much to deal with from personal issues, to family members, to my college life, worries, etc. Onur has been there from the start, since we met. When I had nightmares and struggled to sleep, even at the beginning of our friendship stage, he offered me his number to call whenever I couldn’t sleep. When I struggled to get into the mindset of studying for exams, he’d sit with me on call and stream something for me to keep me company. When I’d have struggles with my mom, he’d be right there to offer an ear and talk with me. When I’d run into a trigger in something we’d watch (from my PTSD), he’d immediately stop and comfort me, even when he didn’t have any prior experience on how to be there for someone who struggled with the triggers I had. When I felt anxious on a camping trip I went to, away from the city with terrible reception, he sent me a song to listen to and sent me audio recordings of him telling me some kind words in order to make me feel at peace. He always found a way to be there for me and to show up and be present. We both seemed to have different ways to navigate through things but coincidentally, what he lacks, I make up for and what I lack, he makes up for. Together, we use our strengths to find our way through issues.

Can you recall a time when he did something unexpected that deeply touched or surprised you?

All throughout the first months of just chatting, even in the very first days where we were just getting to know each other, he had always tried to be there for me. He had given me his personal contact info to reach out to him whenever I needed it. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that someone, some individual that I had barely known or knew so little about me, wanted to be around me and be there for me as much. It was always consistent too, there never was a time where he didn’t offer to be there for me. This made it very easy to open up to him and to share parts of me that I never would share with anyone else.